Tori Spelling, the Beverly Hills, 90210 actress, has broken her silence about her decision to file for divorce from her husband of 18 years, Dean McDermott. In an emotional episode of her new podcast, misSPELLING, recorded moments after filing for divorce on Friday, March 29, Spelling shared intimate details about the couple's tumultuous relationship and the events that ultimately led to their separation.

"I've never felt more alone," Spelling, 50, confessed during the podcast. "I don't feel worth loving. That's the truth. And that's something that's just in you, it's not something I wanted or created. That starts when you're young. [And changing it], that's not easy to do. ... I don't know if you can."

Spelling revealed that she had been telling herself she wanted to file for divorce for "like... 15 years" but held back to protect McDermott and their children. The couple, who famously began their romance while married to other people in 2005, share five children together: Liam Aaron McDermott, 17, Stella Doreen, 15, Hattie Margaret, 12, Finn Davey, 11, and Beau Dean, 7.

According to Spelling, the "honeymoon period" of their relationship ended just four months after they got together, despite the initial "fast and furious romance" where she felt she could be herself around McDermott. However, she noted that there were "red flags" she didn't address early on, including "anger issues" she claims McDermott had as their lives in the public eye grew.

"Honestly, our relationship was never the same after we started having kids," Spelling admitted. "We always said, 'We won't be those parents that change. We'll make sure we make our relationship a priority, the two of us. We have date nights.' And everything went out the window. I became completely focused on the kids and kind of left him, in a way."

Spelling also alleged that McDermott's "temper" was "often fueled by alcohol," saying, "When he would drink, it was hard because I knew that at some point, it would turn. And I knew... you know, it was always different. It could be 2 drinks, it could be 5, 6 drinks. And then I would just see it turn and I'm like, 'Oh, here we go.' And then that became my dance on the eggshells."

The couple had attended therapy over the years, but Spelling claimed it didn't help because they were "talking about two different things," with McDermott often focusing on her sloppiness around the house and her inability to clean up after their pets.

The final straw, according to Spelling, came on June 17, 2023, the date she listed in her filing as their date of separation. After a photoshoot with her 90210 costar Jennie Garth, during which McDermott had been helpful and received a compliment from Garth, Spelling found McDermott "had been drinking at that point." An argument ensued, and McDermott made a remark that Spelling found hurtful, leading to an escalation of the fight.

In her court filing, Spelling cited irreconcilable differences as the reason behind their split and requested sole physical custody of their five minor children, with joint legal custody and McDermott's visitation rights to be determined later.

Despite the challenges in their relationship, McDermott told Page Six in March that Spelling is still his "biggest fan" and continues to support him in maintaining his sobriety. He described her as "caring," "empathetic," and someone who "wants the best for everybody," even "at the expense of her happiness."

As both Spelling and McDermott move on with new partners - Spelling with Ryan Cramer and McDermott with Lily Calo - the actress's emotional revelations on her podcast offer a candid glimpse into the complexities of their long-standing marriage and the events that led to their ultimate decision to part ways.