On every vacation, most parents allow their kids to pick out a souvenir or two. You visit different local shops until you find the "perfect" remembrance of your family time together. Sometimes, however, this is the kind of situations where the ability of a child to make decisions become quite significant.
For instance, your son immediately homed in on a small stuffed cat. But as far as you and your daughter are concerned, you guys are still in the first store; hence, you need to keep looking. She, on the other hand, reluctantly agreed to keep looking.
According to Katie Hurley, a child and adolescent psychotherapist in El Segundo, Calif., and author of "No More Mean Girls," this kind of crowdsourcing is "probably a function more of personality type." Kids who are more introverted "tend to be the overthinkers." For them, "learning how to make quick decisions is a developmental process." And although some people never learn, parents can always help guide their children at a younger age.
Just Empathize
In a report from The Washington Post, parents should acknowledge that they go through this, too. From there, they should let your child know that they see his/her struggle. But try to listen without jumping in.
The key here is to shut up. "Parents are directing kids all the time and robbing them of age-appropriate decision-making practice," says Emily Green, a child and family therapist in Atlanta. "We talk them out of it. We talk them into it. Then they never have to practice their own decision-making or problem-solving skills."
Let The Child Listen to Herself
Green suggests using words such as "seems like" and "sounds like" to help a child identify what she is feeling: "Sounds like you are unsure if you want the cat. Seems like you're feeling a little stuck." Developing kids' awareness of their emotions helps them calm down and make a choice, South China Morning Post notes.
Provide Structure
After parents have helped their child voice his/her struggle and get in touch with his/her gut, they let him/her know it is his/her decision. "It seems like you're really looking for me to decide for you, but this is a decision for you to make," Green says.
Then give the kids a time frame - five to 10 minutes - in which to make it. Parents can also offer techniques that have helped them, such as making a pros-and-cons list or asking themselves how they would help a friend facing the same choice. But parents should always let their kids make the decision themselves.
