Some people often raised their eyebrows every time they see an older woman dating a younger man. It makes them skeptical about the relationship and thinks they're only staying to fulfill each other's need. The popular assumption is that the relationship is based on material need. But, here's why the age gap between older women dating younger men should not really matter in a relationship.
The perception of most people in this kind of relationship is that younger men tend to date older women because they are more settled and financially well-off, so they will be spoiled with gifts. Hence, they'll stay and sustain the relationship to continue receiving such materials.
But, that's not really the issue.
A lot of older and mature women - mostly in their 40s and 60s - choose to date men who are at least 10 years younger than them. These women are popularly known as cougars. The majority of modern career women spent their prime years focusing on their jobs and neglecting their romantic life. When they reach the age of 40 or so, they'll start looking for a serious love.
According to Jacqueline Chia, a managing partner and co-founder of Meet Mozaic, a matchmaking service for mature Hong Kong residents, the age should to really be an issue in any relationship as long as both parties are happy and fulfilled.
"In the world today there are many kinds of relationships and as long as the people engaging in the relationship are happy, why not?" she said. "Everyone has different needs."
However, Chia warned that there are still pros and cons when it comes in these kinds of relationship.
The negative aspects include different career paths and status, financial discrepancies, different personal histories and experiences, a lack of common interests, and difficulty in socializing with partner's friends due to the age gap.
According to the South China Morning Post, the family aspiration can be a negative factor as well. For instance, the younger partner would likely want to start a family but the older one already had a child so she won't wish to have more children. Chia also said that the older partner might be controlling in the relationship.
Meanwhile, there are also positive elements of having an older partner. Most matured women are financially stable and are able to mentor their younger partner and share life and business experiences with them.
"The older person may be more relaxed and stable emotionally, and therefore able to accept and adjust to challenges in the relationship. The older person knows what they want in life and the younger person brings youth, vibrancy, and vitality to it," Chia adds that there is another plus to consider. "Some people would argue that young women are more mature than their male counterparts in the same age groups and so make a perfect match for an older man."
Carol DeCandido, who co-founded Meet Mozaic with Chia, said that cougar trend is becoming more socially acceptable in the 21st century. But she explained that this acceptance varies on the community or culture
"The concept of the 'cougar' is taboo in many non-Western countries. Some older women in these countries are embarrassed to date after being divorced or widowed as they don't consider it socially appropriate," DeCandido said. "They feel they could embarrass their family members and friends. 'Sugar daddies', however, seem to be more accepted worldwide."
This underlying bias is noticeable in Asia, particularly in Hong Kong. DeCandido noted the concept of sugar daddy is acceptable in Hong Kong, but the cougar relationship may be less socially acceptable as it could open up gossip and intense scrutiny by her peer group.
DeCandido gives some pointers to identify signs that a significantly younger partner is genuinely into you.
"Are they genuinely interested in your life? Do they remember things you've shared with them in the past? Do they initiate romantic gestures? If you don't feel that they have this level of interest in you, they probably are not genuine. And you know what to do next," she said.
