Desperate White House staffers are drowning in a muck of nasty backbiting and attempted coups as President Joe Biden's dwindling poll numbers raise worries that they will all be laid off if the 81-year-old fails to win a second term, a new report claimed.
“The atmosphere has become toxic. People are acting like rats on a sinking ship, scurrying for cover and a way to save themselves. It’s a wonder anything gets decided or done,” an unnamed source told The National Enquirer.
According to insiders, the glaring dysfunction became apparent during a recent failed coup against press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, which was masterminded by Anita Dunn, de facto communications chief.
Anita, 66, denies seeking to remove her rumored rival. However, insiders say the irritated spokesman contacted top Democrats to urge Karine, 49, to go since the press secretary's lackluster responses to probing media questions — and her habit of reading responses directly from briefing binders — have reflected ill on the administration.
“Simply firing Karine was not an option because the optics would have been so poor. You’re talking about the first Black and openly gay person to hold the position. They needed to convince her to peacefully depart of her own volition,” the informant told the entertainment news outlet.
Tipsters suggested that Karine's near-firing was a "dry run" for perhaps removing Vice President Kamala Harris from the Democratic Party's presidential ticket before the August convention in Chicago.
“I think they were writing a playbook for how to rid themselves of a woman of color without incurring too much damage to Joe’s support. Kamala is far more a drag on the ticket than Jean-Pierre ever will be,” the snitch claimed.
Talk of future power plays comes as America's oldest-ever serving president struggles on the campaign trail. Joe claimed in April that his uncle Ambrose Finnegan was eaten by cannibals after his jet crashed near Papua New Guinea during World War II.
Days later, the excruciatingly candid Joe admitted to shock jock Howard Stern that he nearly threw himself off the Delaware Memorial Bridge in 1972 after the automobile crash deaths of his first wife, Neilia, and his 13-month-old daughter, Naomi.
Meanwhile, Joe’s poll numbers continue to fall to record lows. The declining incumbent had a measly 38.7 percent approval rating in his 13th quarter in office, the lowest of any president in their first term since the mid-1950s.
A new CNN poll also showed Joe is trailing his Republican opponent, Donald Trump, by six points. According to sources, the negative news has contributed to a tense atmosphere in the Oval Office.
“Biden snaps at everyone for anything these days. He blames his senior advisers for the poor showing, and that sort of stuff rolls downhill. It’s made the White House a bad place to work,” the mole stated.
Business Times has reached out to President Joe Biden for comments.
