Lilly Jay, ex-wife of Broadway star Ethan Slater, has opened up about the profound changes in her life following their divorce, which occurred amid Slater's high-profile relationship with pop star Ariana Grande. In an essay for The Cut published Thursday, Jay shared her personal journey of navigating heartbreak, motherhood, and a shift from privacy to public scrutiny.
Jay, a clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health and child development, described her experience as a "sudden public downfall" of her marriage, which ended shortly after the birth of her son. Without directly naming Grande, Jay reflected on the complexities of co-parenting and the impact of her former husband's new relationship on her personal and professional life.
"No one gets married thinking they'll get divorced, in the same way we don't board a plane expecting to crash," Jay wrote. "But I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband's new relationship with a celebrity."
The divorce followed a 12-year relationship with Slater, which began during high school and culminated in marriage in 2018. The couple welcomed their son in August 2022, less than a year before their split. Slater's subsequent relationship with Grande, his co-star in the upcoming Wicked film adaptation, added another layer of public attention to an already challenging period for Jay.
Ariana Grande used to hang out with Ethan Slater and estranged wife Lilly Jay when they were still a couple, TMZ reports.
: https://t.co/zgFTlQgCrM pic.twitter.com/OHc5RGhQFj — Pop Crave (@PopCrave) July 26, 2023
Jay described her life before the split as one rooted in privacy, a necessity for her work as a psychologist. "I loved my life working in a helping profession and being immersed in the details of other people's stories rather than documenting my own narrative for public consumption," she wrote. She acknowledged the delicate balance she and Slater had tried to maintain between their respective careers, with hers requiring discretion and his thriving on public exposure.
The aftermath of the divorce, Jay noted, has been marked by the juxtaposition of her cherished role as a mother and the unavoidable pain triggered by reminders of the circumstances surrounding the split. "Days with my son are sunny. Days when I can't escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker," she confessed.
Despite the heartbreak, Jay highlighted her commitment to co-parenting, emphasizing that their roles as parents remain steadfast. "While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not," she said. "Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided."
Professionally, Jay has grappled with the effects of her sudden visibility. She recounted moments when job opportunities vanished without explanation after tabloid coverage of her personal life and how some patients have seemed hesitant to work with her. "I cannot resolve the incongruity of a career in helping others prepare for the exquisite fragility and beauty of pregnancy and postpartum and then having my own world upended," she admitted.
Jay described her essay as an effort to reclaim her narrative, likening it to a "message in a bottle" for her clients. Acknowledging her newfound lack of invisibility, she sought to bridge the gap between her professional and personal identities. "If I can't be invisible anymore, I may as well introduce myself," she wrote.
Slater and Grande's relationship has faced public scrutiny, with some accusing the pair of engaging in an affair. Both denied the claims, with Grande addressing the controversy in a Vanity Fair interview, saying, "No one on this earth tries harder or spreads themselves thinner to be there for the people that he loves and cares about."
